Wednesday, September 2, 2015


“Look before you leap” was something my mom said a lot to me, I’m sure she meant it as a warning, that I should make sure that I was leaping into something safe.  I’ve always been a leaper, when I jump in, it’s all in or not at all, and I’ve always looked, but probably not in the way my mom intended.  I tend to decide I’m going to leap, then look, mostly out of curiosity, then leap, no matter what I saw.

One of my best childhood friends described her role in our friendship as being the person who follows me around grabbing me by the ankles when I leap to make the trip down at least a little bit slower.  She knew me well enough that no warning can prevent me from leaping when I have decided to.

I’ve always had a “why not” attitude.  Always believed in living without regrets, not wanting to be saddled with “what ifs”.  I can honestly say that the vast majority of my leaps worked out well, when they didn’t they served as lessons, but I don’t regret a single one.
The only leap that has eluded me was a physical one.  In my many bouts of depression, I have often had suicidal thoughts, fantasies even.  How would it feel to die by X? Psychologists tell me that this sort of morbid curiosity is pretty normal for people like me, but like any fantasy, it needs to remain just that.

I’ve always come back to the one of what it must feel like to jump.  Having the final moments be of exhilaration, freedom.  I’ve never been tempted to try however, mostly because if the fear of failing.  If I were to jump, but something went wrong, I could end up stuck living in a body that has become a prison.  It always seemed counter intuitive, in my search for freedom from this life, I could end up even more imprisoned by it.

I’ve thought about a bungee jump, or skydiving, but neither really feels like it would capture that moment of standing on the edge, alone, and letting go.  Then I saw this thing called Skyjump.  You jump off a building or tower wearing a harness and cable attached to your torso, and fall.  This weekend, I’m jumping off a 20 story tower over a river.  I will get to have my fantasy without the depression and death side effects.  In just a few days, I will finally know how it feels to literally leap.

Inspired by Mama Kat's writer's workshop : Write a blog post that ends with the word: leap.

Mama’s Losin’ It

Thursday, June 12, 2014

My must haves

Lately things have been even more hectic than usual, between preparing to have the kids 5 weeks this summer, my sister’s hair salon burning down and the usual baby momma drama, I have spent the past few months just trying to keep our heads above water. I was also doing so well with my weight loss that I didn’t want to lose the momentum I had built up, so here are a few things that have made my life bearable.

#1 – Bandelettes
These are a godsend for anyone who suffers from chub rub when wearing skirts. A few years ago my body decided to break out into hives at any opportunity. Stressed=hives, sweaty=hives, any skin rubbing=hives. Because of this, I dramatically reduced my skirt and dress wearing since every time I wore a skirt my thighs would rub together and then break out into gigantic itchy angry hives.  Then one day I was killing some time on Pinterest (see #2) while waiting in line and I saw these. I looked them up online ( and bought 3 pairs. They are comfortable, they work really well, and are much prettier than the giant spanx I had been wearing before to avoid the chub rub.

#2 – Pinterest
While I am a creative person, I am not an inspired person. I rarely have a new idea, but always have great modifying ideas. Pinterest has helped me a lot with saving money on our home by helping me find cheaper alternatives and DIY projects to achieve what we want. Whether it’s ideas for keeping the kids occupied, ways to use our space more efficiently, or how to make our own taco seasoning, Pinterest helps me make the most of what we have.  Also, it makes me look way more put together and on the ball than I actually am :)

#3 – Bicycle
My father in law just bought bikes for the kids for their birthdays, and I got myself one to be able to go with them. Then I figured out that because of the lovely bike paths in my city, it would only take me 3 minutes longer to bike to work than to drive. Since then I invested in a gel seat and a cup holder for my morning coffee/smoothie and I have biked to work every day that it’s been nice. It’s helped me get my 30 minutes of exercise without having to set aside time for it, with the added bonus of cutting my gas consumption.

#4 – Collapsible water bottles
These are especially great when we take the kids out somewhere. They are flat and you can even roll them up so they take up very little space in a purse/backpack, and they are easily fillable at any water fountain or tap. I got them in some fun prints and they are enough of a gadget that the kids love using them and so I avoid the argument about buying soft drinks or juice at a venue. Saves money, and encourages healthy habits.

Inspired by Mama Kat's writer's workshop : List some of your most recent must haves…tried and true purchases the rest of us should ownYou saw it on Pinterest…does it really work?

Mama’s Losin’ It