This time last year I was writing a lot about mother daughter issues, mostly my issues as a daughter/daughter in law.
It seems ironic that this year the issue would be about my issues as a stepmother. Anytime now we should be getting the judge’s decision about custody. Anytime now I could be more than tripling my time as a parent.
I recently told my best friend that I was scared either way. I’m scared about the challenge of day to day parenting, something I never expected to do, and I’m also scared about losing. Either way, the coming months are bound to be crazy. I’ll either be trying to find my groove with the kids, or trying to deal with everyone’s grief at not getting joint custody.
The bio mom has intensified her attacks, I feel like every time I think she has reached the point of ultimate viciousness, she ups her game and hits even lower. My best friend keeps reminding me that things can’t really get much worse than they are now, we can’t see the kids any less, and my BF is already paying the maximum in child support.
I feel like lately all I have been doing is trying to shield everyone around me, and then I go to bed at night and worry about how I will get through it all. That is when I remember my Nanny telling me that when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, just focus on your feet, and put one foot in front of the other. Eventually, you’ll get there.
So I’m just focusing on the simple things, my new job, getting a Christmas tree for the kids, and trying to fit in all of the family parties. This year I’m just gonna cross my fingers, let go, and hope for the best.
Inspired by Mama Kat's writer's workshop : What were you blogging about a year ago today? What has changed?