I’m still alive; I just took a time out to reflect. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m in a bit of a weird place right now, everything is kind of up in the air. I decided to take an online hiatus for the holidays and focus on taking a real good look at my real world life and the people in it. It was also an extremely busy and hectic holiday season this year. My BF and my birthdays are both within a week of Christmas, plus we had the kids for a week, add in 4 Christmas activities, and some serious babymomma drama, and frankly I was looking forward to going back to work to relax a bit.
I also wanted to really reflect before making my resolutions though I prefer to think of them as focus areas or themes for the year rather than resolutions. I call them resolutions for lack of a better word. My first resolution last year was fitness, which I did, but sort of and half assed. The reason being that it wasn’t really important to me, it was more of a « something I SHOULD do ». The other was to focus on gratitude, and I think I did pretty well on that one. I consciously and purposely focused on the good stuff in my life, and actively expressed appreciation for the people in my life. While I am by no means a happy go lucky optimist, it is one resolution I recommend to anyone, not only because it really helps with the harder times, but because after doing it for a year, it really does become habit.
This year though, I have finally reached my tipping point with regards to weight/fitness. I never really had much motivation to getting fit because I was buying clothes in regular stores (no plus size) and while I wasn’t in love with my body, I wasn’t unhappy with it either. I eat pretty well, not much junk food, I’m vegetarian, and I’m never sick. It was always something I knew I should do, but it just didn’t bother me enough. In the past little while, there were 4 things I saw that made me very unhappy. The first was when I was walking next to a series of windows and I saw that my butt started doing that thing where it seems to be trying to climb up your back. The next was the muffin top that seemed to appear overnight. Then I tried to buy a pair of dress pants at the store I have always bought my dress pants at, and could not find a single pair that fit my thighs. Then, just a few days ago I was trying on clothes in a mirror, and I saw that there were fat saggy bits drooping around my knees.
This time I’m going to skip over the drastic approaches, protein shakes, gym memberships and grandiose plans. I have found two programs which focus on portion sizes, good foods, and easily accessible exercise, one online and one on my cell phone. What I like about these is that neither is rigorous calorie counting, or drastic food exclusion. They both focus on improvement THEN results. No trying to be perfect for this gal, and no eating food I don’t like either.
I have also resolved to accept the fact that my BF’s ex, the kids’ mom, is not going to change, no matter her proclamations that she is willing to work on our family relationship. What she really means when she says she wants to work with us is that she wants to help us do what she wants. I am going to focus on letting go of the ideal I had in my head of what we could be (ie: an inclusive parenting team whose focus s on the kids and were able to get along and make compromises on both sides) and accept that she has issues she needs to work on, and like all personal issues, the desire to change has to come from her, there is nothing I can do. While this is easier said than done, I want to focus on our family (BF, me, and kids) and try to make that family unit as positive and productive as possible, regardless of what is going on elsewhere.
That’s it, only two resolutions this year, but if nothing else, I strive for simplicity. 2012 was the year of gratitude, 2013 will be the year of acceptance…for the things not within my power to change of course, everything else is fair game for improvement ;)
Inspired by Mama Kat’s pretty much world famous writing prompts 01.01 - Resolutions. Love’em? Hate’em? Tell us why. Make one? Talk about your resolutions or goals for 2013.